


Just Your Average Pencil Pusher

by superangsty



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Established Relationship, M/M, clint does not, i think, oh my word, phil works for shield, these two, they really need to learn how to communicate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-12
Updated: 2015-05-12
Packaged: 2018-03-30 06:10:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3925807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superangsty/pseuds/superangsty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hawkeye is just another threat that needs to be dealt with. Phil is the lucky guy that gets stuck with this job.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Your Average Pencil Pusher

“You know the drill, Coulson. Get in, kill the target, and get out. Shouldn’t be too difficult.”

Coulson flicked through the mission brief, not that he needed to. He had already committed the thing to memory, it was only force of habit that made him keep scanning the pages. “Yes, yes. It should only take a few minutes once I’ve located the target. Obviously it would help if I actually knew what they looked like.” As he said that, he fixed a pointed glare on Fury.

“Well, you can’t have it all.” Fury didn’t look even slightly uncomfortable at Phil’s eyes on him, instead just returning the look, as if daring him to be the first one to break. “Although if it helps, we’re pretty sure he’ll be carrying a bow and arrow.”

“Huh. Unusual choice in weapon.” Unusual, but useful. Not only would it make the man easier to identify, but it also ruled out the possibility of him being ex-forces, or a gang member. Which meant that it would take even less time to take him out.

“I want this done by the end of tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow? This is moving a bit fast, don’t you think?”

“He’s a threat. The longer Hawkeye is out there, the more danger we’re in.”

“Understood, sir. I’ll make sure it’s done.” He saw his boss relax slightly, leaning back in his chair just a fraction more and sipping at his coffee. To most people, this would mean nothing, would probably go unnoticed. To Phil, however, it meant that work was done. “Hey, Nick, much as I’d like to stay and have a coffee with you, my shift officially ended two hours ago, and I have a date to get ready for.”

Nick raised an eyebrow at that last part, chuckling slightly as he said “A date? Aren’t you two a bit too married to be going on dates?”

“We try to keep the romance alive.” Phil deadpanned, before turning on his heel and heading out.

 

~***~

 

Sometimes, Clint liked to take a moment to think about how ridiculous it was that he had a secret hideout. It wasn’t a hideout in the way that a little kid might say their pillow fort was a ‘hideout’, it was far too uncomfortable for that. It was just a single room within a mostly abandoned building, kitted out with only the most basic necessities. There was food (because food was awesome), some spare clothes (in case the ones he was wearing got ruined), a shower (to wash off any dirt or blood), and storage for his various weapons.

There was also a futon, just in case he had to stay there overnight. Clint tried to avoid doing that, if he could. He would much rather go home and sleep in his own bed.

He had been using the place for what felt like forever. At first, it was to stay away from the authorities, and actually give him somewhere to sleep at night. Later, though, he started using it to ensure that nobody in the real world would get the impression that he was anything less than normal. It seemed doubtful that he would be greeted with open arms if he came home carrying his weapons, covered in someone else’s blood. Or maybe even his own blood. That had been the hardest thing to try and hide, the injuries he always seemed to end up with. He couldn’t go home like that, and would never be able to check into hospital without raising a few questions, so he had had to get pretty good at performing first aid on himself.

Luckily, that particular day’s work had left him uninjured, so he would only have to stay a few minutes before going home. If he hurried, he reckoned he might even be able to get back in time to make dinner.

He didn’t hide his weapons away until after he’d showered and changed, wanting to wash off the fight before having to think about it again. He rushed through all of this, desperate to leave, and was about to do exactly that when he realised that he had left his hearing aids out. Right. Probably not the best thing to do.

Because of the delay, his hearing aids were not on in time for him to hear the door being gently prised open.

They were, however, on in time for him to hear the small click of a gun’s safety catch.

 

~***~

 

Still not able to see his targets face, Phil had his gun pointed at the back of the man’s head. He saw his shoulders rise, breathing in. Assuming that this Hawkeye wasn’t a complete idiot, he reckoned it would be a matter of seconds before he grabbed his own weapon and attacked.

“Put your hands where I can see them, and I might let you die quickly.”

“I’m not the bad guy here. I’m the one that _kills_ the bad guys.”

The two sentences had been spoken at almost exactly the same time, and Phil froze. He knew that voice. The other man must have recognised his voice, too, because he also froze, slowly turning around to face him.

“Ah.”

“Shit.”

“My sentiment exactly.” Phil chuckled, lowering his gun and muttering ‘stand down’ into his comm unit.

 The two stood in silence for a moment, taking each other in with equally bemused expressions.

Clint was the first to speak, running a hand through his hair and breaking the silence with a huff of laughter. “Gotta say, Phil, this was definitely not what I was expecting. What happened to you being a pencil pusher?”

“I could say the same thing to you.” Although, come to think of it, this _did_ explain all the injuries (which had all been very poorly disguised).

“So…”

“So…”

“FBI or CIA?”

“Neither. SHIELD. How long?”

“Since I was a kid. May have lied about that whole ‘going to high school’ thing.”

“Circus?”

“Yup.”

“Okay.”

And that was it. Phil had nothing more to say on the subject, and if Clint wanted to speak, he didn’t, and so they fell back into silence. He scanned Clint’s face quickly, just to make sure that he wasn’t mad at him for lying, but there was nothing in his expression to suggest that he was. All the better, really. It would be a bit hypocritical of him to be mad when he himself had also been lying.

 

~***~

 

Once they had explained everything to each other (well perhaps ‘explained’ was pushing it. They had only really exchanged a few words), Clint didn’t speak again, too lost in his own thoughts to say anything. He assumed that Phil was the same, and so instead of re-starting the conversation he decided to just leave it.

He was brought out of his thoughts by the sound of a phone ringing. After a brief panic that it was his own phone, he reminded himself he had left his phone at home (wouldn’t want anyone tracking it). Which meant that it was Phil’s. Phil, ever efficient, answered the call almost instantly, putting it on loudspeaker but pressing a finger to his lips, gesturing for Clint to keep quiet.

“Coulson, for the love of god, please tell me that you’ve completed you orders.”

A smirk appeared on Phil’s face, although was quickly gone, his facing returning to its usual neutral expression. “And why on earth would you think that I haven’t, Fury?”

Clint’s eyes widened, and he mouthed ‘Nick?’, which Phil replied to with a small nod as the reply came from the phone. “Because I’ve just been informed that you ordered your team to stand down. Care to explain?”

“Off the record, sir?”

“Fine.” Clint was pretty sure he heard an exasperated sigh, before the stern voice went slightly softer, speaking in a much more familiar tone “What is it, Cheese?”

“Well, perhaps you’d like to speak to…Hawkeye yourself.”

“Like hell I would. He’s meant to be a corpse.”

Phil’s eyes locked with Clint’s, and that was all the permission that he needed to start speaking again. “Aw, Nick. You say such dreadful things. I thought we had a ‘special something’.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.”

“In all fairness, none of you lot ever told me you worked for SHIELD. I assume Mel, Jasper and Maria all work there too?” He was pretty sure they did, even though they had all always insisted that they didn’t work together.

It was at that moment that Phil spoke up again, quirking a smile as he said “He’s not wrong, y’know. Also, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t actually pose a threat, so would you mind dreadfully if I didn’t kill my husband?”

“You’ll fill out the necessary paperwork for his transfer to SHIELD?”

“Of course.”

“Fine.” He paused for a moment, and if Clint didn’t know better he would have sworn that he could hear laughter at the other end of the line. “You two are on a whole new level of dysfunctional marriages. You know that, right?”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm meant to be revising for exams and this happened instead haha oops. Right well I know the writing isn't exactly the greatest, but I hope you liked it anyway! As always, please tell me what you think by leaving comments below, or you can message me on my [tumblr](http://superangsty.tumblr.com)!


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